Have you ever been a victim of domestic abuse? …… ever wondered why me?!?
You’re not alone!
I endured 5 toxic years of hell.
Here’s how my story went….
I was 17 nearly 18, young and inpressionable, when I started working behind a bar a couple of weeks before my 18th birthday.
I was good at my job flirt, get drinks bought for me …. but never cross the boundary. I knew the difference between work and pleasure.
My manager (significantly older) asked me to clean the bar. I had a troubled childhood and subsequently he became my confidante and person to entrust in.
We hit it off after a few months. I had nowhere to live, no supportive job, so he let me live there rent free for extra shifts ….. how generous.
A couple of weeks later I found myself leaving my second job, working 8 hour shifts at the bar, not getting paid and a bit of a cashcow.
However, “I had nowhere to live”, “he was doing me a favour” and ” I was living rent free so I owed him”.
It was then the sexual and financial abuse started.
I would be blackmailed into sleeping with him. If i didn’t then I couldn’t have the morning off from cleaning or I wasn’t to go to town to meet my mum.
We moved out of the pub and into a house. It wasn’t before long the keys were “accidentally left in his pocket” and he had locked me inside.
Or his “friends”(made up) were due to visit. And they were army folk. :If I wasn’t laid on the bed dressed up they would come up there and rape me anyway”. Yet because they were a figment of his imagination…. because I was dressed up through being petrified I would be raped anyway …. but because it was him it was justified.
Shortly after this I found out I was pregnant with my first child.
I thought great … a celebration, a child of his own. Surely no more could happen.
He was jealous! Jealous of his own child. He made me breastfeed, somewhat a blessing and somewhat a curse. I knew his motive. So that he needn’t any dealings with “the child” his daughter. And that I had to stay with my child “trapped” in his eyes, until I no longer had to breastfeed.
Only mine and my daughters bond grew strong and him jealous.
It was then I learnt to drive and successfully passed my test. He used to call my mum and dad daily to check my whereabouts and to justify my spend even on my newborn daughters clothes.
I would spend MY CHILD TAX CREDITS on my newborn daughter …. yet have to have my mother back me up!
And god forbid I want a night out, after 6 months of breastfeeding. Guess who babysat?!
Whilst my daughters father sat at home getting drunk.
Unfortunately for me .. 12 months later I found myself pregnant with my son.
I threatened to walk and knew we would be better off at home on our own.
However ….. the day came when (after the physical abuse I’ve left out), my own childrens father kidnapped his children.
He retained them for a week, brainwashed, blackmailed and hindered them with abuse until they were handed back by a judge.
That judge ruled that this monster should never see my children ever again.
And justice was served …..